I have finally, just in the nick of time paid off the serger. It seemed to take for ever!, and focused there, I missed other things I should have paid. But it is done and we now have 1 less bill to worry about.
I really don’t know why paying something off takes so long, when incurring the debt takes so little time! This is a big lesson for me. I’ve always been impatient with saving because of the slow pace. I keep looking at what I’ve saved and been disappointed. All that work and for what? Just this paltry amount.
I also always worry about a savings balance. So many forces can rob it: car transmissions that go, brakes, a roof or water heater, or medical bills. It seems that life eats it up, and I feel cheated. I wanted a trip or new clothes or a special dinner out. Instead I get something boring and necessary. Such a rip off!
Or is it? What I recognize is that paying cash does avoid unnecessary interest payments and so actually saves money. I also know that it is the paltriness of my savings that prevents me from having both the necessary and the optional. This year of spending down debt and trying to build savings is bound to be frustrating for me, but if I can persist, I think I will crest the hill and find it easier on the other side to stay out of debt and to have a few of the things I want as well.
I also recognize that although I’d love a trip to France or Greece or …., I will not be unhappy without it. It is just my inner whine that agitates for more, like a spoiled child, always wanting another treat, saying ‘I deserve it” . This is not the way to peace nor is it sustainable. It also robs me of the mystery, that wonderful experience of getting something special AND unexpected from the universe that delights my soul and nourishes deeply.
Perhaps just realizing how difficult it can be to achieve these goals by myself will lend me a more compassionate heart towards others who struggle. Perhaps it will open me to new delights, not imagined by my limited mind, and help me learn trust and rest in new ways.
And so the journey continues.
Lynnette
